What I Should Have Learned from Alanis Morissette 30 Years Ago
The most iconic album of my lifetime, for me personally, is easily Alanis Morissette's “Jagged Little Pill.” I was a senior in high school when all the emotion, relationship drama, and core identity songwriting came bursting into our radios (car and bedroom, naturally. No MP3 thingys for us!).
Recently, I heard the song “Perfect” from this album. And the lyrics hit me in a way I had not experienced before. There was a lot of resonance to my ahem mature ears that simply did not connect when I was 18. On the surface, the song portrays the pressure of parental or societal expectations. As an oldest daughter, Gen X, Virgo, I know these elements all too well. But then I started to connect those experiences as a young adult with the person and leader I am today. There is some really good exploration of leadership insights in this 1995 deep cut.
Embrace Authenticity Over Perfection
The song's opening lines, "Sometimes is never quite enough / If you're flawless, then you'll win my love," highlight the unrealistic quest for perfection - something I did not realize I was seeking because it was just the way we do things… right? Now, I see that a relentless pursuit of perfection is not only exhausting, but it can also be detrimental. I am so much more fulfilled when vulnerability is encouraged, and I am surrounded by authenticity. By embracing imperfections, a team is more able to innovate, learn, and grow.
Understanding and Managing Expectations Based in Reality
Morissette sings about unattainable standards: "Be a good boy / Try a little harder / You've got to measure up." Oh, the always present weight of external expectations that so many of us experienced…even when they were not specifically stated! The norms and cues of our educational system, the rhetoric about success, and our parent’s goals for us all added up to a clear story. More work, more effort was always better. Now, I work hard to help leaders understand the need to set clear, achievable expectations and communicate openly about goals and standards. That is all BALANCED with reality, ensuring the whole team feels capable and supported rather than overwhelmed.
Balance Between Accountability and Empathy… and just Take a Break Sometimes
"Perfect" also touches on the struggle between striving for excellence and dealing with the emotional toll of grand expectations. Leaders must strike a balance between holding team members accountable and being empathetic to their challenges and limitations. It’s also important to recognize when those limits have been reached - sometimes on behalf of another person- and create space to take a break. Stop the spin when its not productive. The best way I help others is to do this myself and be vocal about it - tell people when you are taking a break, when you are saying no to more, and when you are ready to step up.
I love that I can re-examine these anthems from 30 years ago and see application to the work I do today- and the person I am. You can be sure that I talked about these ideas in the moment with my 7-year-old daughter (as much as a 7-year-old will let you talk about such topics anyway).
Embrace our human side just like Alanis told us to in 1995.
